Wednesday, November 12, 2003

A cycle's ending

I seem to be going through a period of doubting. A few responses from people close to me about my blog has left me feeling a bit disheartened. Why is it that I have to depend on my weak links to support me and my close links don't? I am also facing my constantly recurring fears about whether I take too much on myself. How do I sustain processes I've chosen? But then I look at the calendar and realize that, oh,'s the end of the year's cycle for me. 

My birthday wil be coming up in a couple of weeks. I've been through so many of them that their passing by don't seem to register much with me anymore. But now I remember that the period before the beginning of my new birth-year cycle, at about the ending of the outgoing cycle have usually been accompanied by unexplainable feelings of melancholy. I remember some years in which I've taken harsh decisions to end certain processes probably as emotional reactions to the endings, not really the processes themselves, in truly impulsive Saggitarian style for which I've regretted. Well, I guess I'm posting this as a reminder to myself that I can come back to during these precarious days. I must let go of certain emotions that come out of habit, that don't serve me well, and that I must learn to let go of each cycle gracefully, and that I should keep my mind and my heart open.


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